Saturday, June 18, 2011
Happy Father's Day
I couldn't resist it today. I have found out that I am in remission!!! I couldn't be happier. As I was reading over what I blogged this week, I felt like I left so much out. I will eventually fill in the blanks. Seeing as tomorrow is Father's Day and I really had a wonderful Daddy. I had to share a couple of stories.
When Daddy passed away I was devestated. He was awake and lucid until the minute the Lord took him home. So much love was shared that week with the family. He was the glue that held us together. We knew he would be leaving soon and he said goodbye to me and Jeanne seperately. That was just like him. He wanted to make sure we knew he loved us unconditionally. He taught Shannon to be the man I needed him to be. Shannon was very close to my father. He was as devestated as Jeanne and myself when he passed away.
I promised a couple of stories and there are so many to choose from. I can remember being a teenager and asking him why boys were hard to understand. He looked at me and said, "Honey, one day you will get your heart broke. Make sure it was worth it. Don't be afraid of it." He was right. I did and cried on his shoulder. He asked if I had any regrets and I didn't. He taught me to love and to forgive.
One night I met this fella. I got in the truck with him. He had a TRW hat on his dashboard. I asked him why he had that hat. He worked there. At the time, my Daddy was working there. He asked who I knew there. I told him my Daddy, Gene Ehlers. I don't know what the fella had in mind but he turned his truck around and dropped me off. He said he knew my father and he would not try to explain to my father why I was in his truck. I have never laughed so hard. I later called Daddy. Oh, he and I had a good time with that. He did ask the guy about me. Daddy said he stuttered his way out of that one. Even when he wasn't with me, he protected me.
When I started going out, Daddy handed me a card. I asked what it was. He said it is an insurance card. If you ever get hurt, I want you to get medical care. He was so nurturing.
He only spanked me once in my life. Never again. He said he couldn't stand it. He had to only point his finger at me and that was it. He was great at disciplining. He wasn't hurtful, it was lovingly.
As I end this up, remember that my Daddy wasn't perfect. Little did he know but he was showing me how our Father in heaven loves us. This is what I said at his funeral. I also read
1 Corinthians 13:4-8
When Daddy passed away I was devestated. He was awake and lucid until the minute the Lord took him home. So much love was shared that week with the family. He was the glue that held us together. We knew he would be leaving soon and he said goodbye to me and Jeanne seperately. That was just like him. He wanted to make sure we knew he loved us unconditionally. He taught Shannon to be the man I needed him to be. Shannon was very close to my father. He was as devestated as Jeanne and myself when he passed away.
I promised a couple of stories and there are so many to choose from. I can remember being a teenager and asking him why boys were hard to understand. He looked at me and said, "Honey, one day you will get your heart broke. Make sure it was worth it. Don't be afraid of it." He was right. I did and cried on his shoulder. He asked if I had any regrets and I didn't. He taught me to love and to forgive.
One night I met this fella. I got in the truck with him. He had a TRW hat on his dashboard. I asked him why he had that hat. He worked there. At the time, my Daddy was working there. He asked who I knew there. I told him my Daddy, Gene Ehlers. I don't know what the fella had in mind but he turned his truck around and dropped me off. He said he knew my father and he would not try to explain to my father why I was in his truck. I have never laughed so hard. I later called Daddy. Oh, he and I had a good time with that. He did ask the guy about me. Daddy said he stuttered his way out of that one. Even when he wasn't with me, he protected me.
When I started going out, Daddy handed me a card. I asked what it was. He said it is an insurance card. If you ever get hurt, I want you to get medical care. He was so nurturing.
He only spanked me once in my life. Never again. He said he couldn't stand it. He had to only point his finger at me and that was it. He was great at disciplining. He wasn't hurtful, it was lovingly.
As I end this up, remember that my Daddy wasn't perfect. Little did he know but he was showing me how our Father in heaven loves us. This is what I said at his funeral. I also read
1 Corinthians 13:4-8
4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
8Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 9For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. 11When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. 12Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.
13And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love
This describes the love our Father in heaven has for us. This also describes the love my father had for me!
Happy Father's Day to all you dad's out there. Please hold this verse close to your heart. Your kids look to you as the example the Lord wants you to be for them!
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
Looking Back
Proverbs 31:25-26 Strength and honor are her clothing; and she shall rejoice in time to come She opens her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness.
As I type this, there are so many things going on in my mind. Looking back...Twenty-eight years ago I graduated from high school. Little did I know what was in my future. That would be the last time I would see my hero, best friend, brother alive. To the day, 4 years later, he would be brain-dead. That month of 1987, I accepted Christ on the beaches of California. That wouldn't be the last time I would be on those beaches. In April of 1999, my sister and I would be back in California to scatter my mother's ashes at the same latitude and longitude that Pete's were scattered. June 4th of this year, my youngest daughter, Kaitlyn, graduated from high school. I homeschooled her for the past 12 years. Some ask why, some ask how...my answer is God.
The verse above is so far from being me. I strive to be that woman but I fail daily. I have no excuse. I have heard the statement "it is what it is" and I don't like it. It is true but what can I do to change it. Some things I may be able to change. There are some that I can't. There the statement "it is what it is." I am writing this on the eve of finding out if I am in remission. Tomorrow I will find out if I have beat this for now. As I have said, so many things going thru my mind. I have been playing all the scenerios out in my mind. I keep reminding myself that the Lord will not leave me or forsake me. satan(I do not capitalize him) plays in my head. It reminds me of when I was younger.
After the molestation, I used to think it was my fault. If only I hadn't... you can fill in the blanks. I have. I know now it wasn't my fault. Daddy came home from Korea. He retired and we went south. I love that Columbus Ga was home. I had the best child hood friends. I can name them Chris Herrmann, Dianna Johnson, Shonda Garrett, Yolonda Pampin and Sheri Norris. I remember the girls all had a crush on Chris. Katie if you are reading this, you know he was a hottie. He and I would fight in the yard. Me, Dianna, Shonda, and Yolonda would fight and play dolls. Dianna had the best baby dolls and Shonda had the best doll collection. Yolonda had the best 45's. Those of you who are so much younger than me, yes I said 45's. I always felt safe with all of you!
At home, it was different. You never know what goes on behind closed doors. My mother loved me but she just didn't know how to be the mother that I needed. She was always nice to my friends. When she was stressed, I knew it. I can remember some mean things that she would say to me. I remember her telling me how fat I was. She would watch every bite I would eat. Now, I look in the mirror trying to get the weight off and I can laugh about it. She could be very hateful to me. I would just keep coming back for more. I figured I could try to get her to love me. Little did I know, she did love me. She just had a weird way of showing it. She needed me. I had a job as a child and teen. I resented not being able to be a teenager. I had to teach her to read when Daddy left. I learned to pay bills at 14. I learned about a budget. It made me stronger. I was a band geek. I loved it. I had such a good time, got into trouble. I could get lost in the music. I played the piano and loved it. Oh, I got my first taste of classical music from my brother too!! I had to quit the band to help out at home. I went to work at Kmart on Macon Rd. I met Shannon there! It's ok. Don't feel sorry for me. I found new interests! It felt good to do something for my sister and myself. Jeanne, she was my reason for staying. That is when I first started to notice her. I had best friends. I couldn't have made it thru high school without Alice Darling, Karen Henderson, Tammy Hollis...there were several. Oh, the fun we had. I could mention the boys but would that really be fair! Lessons I learned looking back.
As I start to look forward I have my goal set to be the woman that is in Proverbs. I may fail every day miserably but I will continue onward. Decisions may have to be made, they may be hard ones, but the Lord will prevail in what His plans are for me. This was just a piece of the story and there are stories within this one. I have been approached about writing a book. Not sure I want to delve deeper right now. The main lesson I have learned, when looking back don't stay there!
Love all of you!!
As I type this, there are so many things going on in my mind. Looking back...Twenty-eight years ago I graduated from high school. Little did I know what was in my future. That would be the last time I would see my hero, best friend, brother alive. To the day, 4 years later, he would be brain-dead. That month of 1987, I accepted Christ on the beaches of California. That wouldn't be the last time I would be on those beaches. In April of 1999, my sister and I would be back in California to scatter my mother's ashes at the same latitude and longitude that Pete's were scattered. June 4th of this year, my youngest daughter, Kaitlyn, graduated from high school. I homeschooled her for the past 12 years. Some ask why, some ask how...my answer is God.
The verse above is so far from being me. I strive to be that woman but I fail daily. I have no excuse. I have heard the statement "it is what it is" and I don't like it. It is true but what can I do to change it. Some things I may be able to change. There are some that I can't. There the statement "it is what it is." I am writing this on the eve of finding out if I am in remission. Tomorrow I will find out if I have beat this for now. As I have said, so many things going thru my mind. I have been playing all the scenerios out in my mind. I keep reminding myself that the Lord will not leave me or forsake me. satan(I do not capitalize him) plays in my head. It reminds me of when I was younger.
After the molestation, I used to think it was my fault. If only I hadn't... you can fill in the blanks. I have. I know now it wasn't my fault. Daddy came home from Korea. He retired and we went south. I love that Columbus Ga was home. I had the best child hood friends. I can name them Chris Herrmann, Dianna Johnson, Shonda Garrett, Yolonda Pampin and Sheri Norris. I remember the girls all had a crush on Chris. Katie if you are reading this, you know he was a hottie. He and I would fight in the yard. Me, Dianna, Shonda, and Yolonda would fight and play dolls. Dianna had the best baby dolls and Shonda had the best doll collection. Yolonda had the best 45's. Those of you who are so much younger than me, yes I said 45's. I always felt safe with all of you!
At home, it was different. You never know what goes on behind closed doors. My mother loved me but she just didn't know how to be the mother that I needed. She was always nice to my friends. When she was stressed, I knew it. I can remember some mean things that she would say to me. I remember her telling me how fat I was. She would watch every bite I would eat. Now, I look in the mirror trying to get the weight off and I can laugh about it. She could be very hateful to me. I would just keep coming back for more. I figured I could try to get her to love me. Little did I know, she did love me. She just had a weird way of showing it. She needed me. I had a job as a child and teen. I resented not being able to be a teenager. I had to teach her to read when Daddy left. I learned to pay bills at 14. I learned about a budget. It made me stronger. I was a band geek. I loved it. I had such a good time, got into trouble. I could get lost in the music. I played the piano and loved it. Oh, I got my first taste of classical music from my brother too!! I had to quit the band to help out at home. I went to work at Kmart on Macon Rd. I met Shannon there! It's ok. Don't feel sorry for me. I found new interests! It felt good to do something for my sister and myself. Jeanne, she was my reason for staying. That is when I first started to notice her. I had best friends. I couldn't have made it thru high school without Alice Darling, Karen Henderson, Tammy Hollis...there were several. Oh, the fun we had. I could mention the boys but would that really be fair! Lessons I learned looking back.
As I start to look forward I have my goal set to be the woman that is in Proverbs. I may fail every day miserably but I will continue onward. Decisions may have to be made, they may be hard ones, but the Lord will prevail in what His plans are for me. This was just a piece of the story and there are stories within this one. I have been approached about writing a book. Not sure I want to delve deeper right now. The main lesson I have learned, when looking back don't stay there!
Love all of you!!
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