Wednesday, February 23, 2011
No accidents
"You are not an accident. Your birth was no mistake or mishap, and youtr life is no fluke of nature. Yur parents many not have planned you but God did. He was not at all surprised by your birth. In fact, he expected it. Long before you were conceived by your parents, you were conceived in the mind of God. He thought of you first. It is not fate nor chance, nor luck, nor conicidence that you are breathing athis very moment. You are alive because God wanted to create you!" This little excerpt comes from The Purpose Driven Life chapter 2, by Rick Warren
This excerpt hit me like a ton of bricks when I did the Bible study several years ago. As this story progresses you will understand. At the time, I had come to terms with a lot but really couldn't get passed some things. Did I have a poor self esteem? Oh yes! Our Lord shows His Sovereignty everyday. I stand in awe of it. He has made each of us for a purpose and He knows all. He knows the decisions we will make good, bad or indifferent.
Romans 8:28 "And we know that all thngs work together for god to those who love God to those who are the called according to His purpose."
So as I write this, I wonder why now? Who is it benefiting? Who will be hurt in this? I have to be very careful while writing this because this involves more than me. I have a family that knows this "stuff." I know that I could sin and turn this into something ugly. This story could be looked at two ways. One that I want revenge. I can assure you that is not it. This is really personal and something I only talk to others in small groups. The other is that I am allowing others to see me. I made a promise to be transparent when I accepted the Lord. I don't want others to see me as this perfect little christian lady that has nothing wrong with her. I am a sinner and so far from perfect. I have learned forgiveness and better than that I have been forgiven. I really don't believe this story is ugly . I believe this is a love story from God. He made a pathway for those of us involved and to be quite honest we have been blessed because of it.
I will be having round 5 on March 7 of my chemotherapy. After all is said and done, we are looking for long term remission. I will go every 3 months for 2 years and every 6 months 3 years after that. When that is completed,I will go once a year. Whatever the Lord has planned I am ok with. I know his plan is perfect and His timing is perfect. He prepared me long ago for this road and He gives me only what I can handle!
Ecclesiastes 3:11-14 11He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end. 12I know that there is nothing better for men than to be happy and do good while they live. 13That everyone may eat and drink, and find satisfaction in all his toil—this is the gift of God. 14I know that everything God does will endure forever; nothing can be added to it and nothing taken from it.
While in Germany and at the loss of a child, my Daddy went on with life. He was able to travel and live life as normal as possible. He was transfered to Colorado. There are so many stories he would tell. The only one he didn't talk about was his daughter. I have a picture of her. My Grandma gave it to me before she passed away. She told me how hurt my Daddy was by it. As I said before, I can't even imagine. It is like the our heavenly Father wants us to seek Him out and really He isn't that far. Just call His name.
My mother was in Seoul or right outside Seoul raising a son on her own. She did what she had to do to make sure the two of them were provided for. I am proud of my mother for caring for her son and making sure he was provided for. She had been thru a lot and she was alone. She turned down being a concubine...I can just see her face! She didn't put her child up for adoption. They never went hungry and they were not homeless.
In 1963, my father was stationed in Seoul. He met this lady with a son. They went out several times. Now I must tell this funny story. My mother did not bring men in and out of my brother's life. So when my mother and father started dating she wouldn't let my brother meet my Daddy. Now, Daddy being the kind man he was, would bring candy to the village and give it to all the other children. He respected my mother's wishes. Well, that ticked my mother off. That was one of their 1st huge arguments. My father brought my gifts to my brother after that argument. I know some of you men are thinking Daddy didn't have a chance. He didn't! He fell in love with my brother. My brother would have been the same age as my sister. Ironic huh???
My father went back to the states in 1964. Love affair had ended. Nope!! Guess who was to be born in March. Me!! My mother wrote my father. She told him she was pregnant. He was stationed at Fort Benning Ga. He told her not to do anything. He was coming back. I believed he loved my mother but I also know he wasn't losing another child. I don't know all the ins and outs of marrying a Korean national but there was some red tape involved. It didn't matter to him. He was going to marry my mother and bring his family to the U.S. On February 12, 1965, my parents were married. Daddy went TDY to Seoul just for that reason and in hopes to be there when I was born. He got married but had to go back March 9th. I was born March 11, 1965 in the US Army Hospital. My mother rode 45 minutes on a bus to make sure I was born in the US Hospital. My Daddy was notified by the Red Cross that he had a daughter. I tear up thinking about what he was thinking. Even though Daddy is gone now, I will always be a Daddy's girl. He showed me from the beginning that I was wanted and I would not be taken from the fold. Just as the Father loves us and wants us we are not an accident! We are wanted and loved by the Father.
This excerpt hit me like a ton of bricks when I did the Bible study several years ago. As this story progresses you will understand. At the time, I had come to terms with a lot but really couldn't get passed some things. Did I have a poor self esteem? Oh yes! Our Lord shows His Sovereignty everyday. I stand in awe of it. He has made each of us for a purpose and He knows all. He knows the decisions we will make good, bad or indifferent.
Romans 8:28 "And we know that all thngs work together for god to those who love God to those who are the called according to His purpose."
So as I write this, I wonder why now? Who is it benefiting? Who will be hurt in this? I have to be very careful while writing this because this involves more than me. I have a family that knows this "stuff." I know that I could sin and turn this into something ugly. This story could be looked at two ways. One that I want revenge. I can assure you that is not it. This is really personal and something I only talk to others in small groups. The other is that I am allowing others to see me. I made a promise to be transparent when I accepted the Lord. I don't want others to see me as this perfect little christian lady that has nothing wrong with her. I am a sinner and so far from perfect. I have learned forgiveness and better than that I have been forgiven. I really don't believe this story is ugly . I believe this is a love story from God. He made a pathway for those of us involved and to be quite honest we have been blessed because of it.
I will be having round 5 on March 7 of my chemotherapy. After all is said and done, we are looking for long term remission. I will go every 3 months for 2 years and every 6 months 3 years after that. When that is completed,I will go once a year. Whatever the Lord has planned I am ok with. I know his plan is perfect and His timing is perfect. He prepared me long ago for this road and He gives me only what I can handle!
Ecclesiastes 3:11-14 11He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end. 12I know that there is nothing better for men than to be happy and do good while they live. 13That everyone may eat and drink, and find satisfaction in all his toil—this is the gift of God. 14I know that everything God does will endure forever; nothing can be added to it and nothing taken from it.
While in Germany and at the loss of a child, my Daddy went on with life. He was able to travel and live life as normal as possible. He was transfered to Colorado. There are so many stories he would tell. The only one he didn't talk about was his daughter. I have a picture of her. My Grandma gave it to me before she passed away. She told me how hurt my Daddy was by it. As I said before, I can't even imagine. It is like the our heavenly Father wants us to seek Him out and really He isn't that far. Just call His name.
My mother was in Seoul or right outside Seoul raising a son on her own. She did what she had to do to make sure the two of them were provided for. I am proud of my mother for caring for her son and making sure he was provided for. She had been thru a lot and she was alone. She turned down being a concubine...I can just see her face! She didn't put her child up for adoption. They never went hungry and they were not homeless.
In 1963, my father was stationed in Seoul. He met this lady with a son. They went out several times. Now I must tell this funny story. My mother did not bring men in and out of my brother's life. So when my mother and father started dating she wouldn't let my brother meet my Daddy. Now, Daddy being the kind man he was, would bring candy to the village and give it to all the other children. He respected my mother's wishes. Well, that ticked my mother off. That was one of their 1st huge arguments. My father brought my gifts to my brother after that argument. I know some of you men are thinking Daddy didn't have a chance. He didn't! He fell in love with my brother. My brother would have been the same age as my sister. Ironic huh???
My father went back to the states in 1964. Love affair had ended. Nope!! Guess who was to be born in March. Me!! My mother wrote my father. She told him she was pregnant. He was stationed at Fort Benning Ga. He told her not to do anything. He was coming back. I believed he loved my mother but I also know he wasn't losing another child. I don't know all the ins and outs of marrying a Korean national but there was some red tape involved. It didn't matter to him. He was going to marry my mother and bring his family to the U.S. On February 12, 1965, my parents were married. Daddy went TDY to Seoul just for that reason and in hopes to be there when I was born. He got married but had to go back March 9th. I was born March 11, 1965 in the US Army Hospital. My mother rode 45 minutes on a bus to make sure I was born in the US Hospital. My Daddy was notified by the Red Cross that he had a daughter. I tear up thinking about what he was thinking. Even though Daddy is gone now, I will always be a Daddy's girl. He showed me from the beginning that I was wanted and I would not be taken from the fold. Just as the Father loves us and wants us we are not an accident! We are wanted and loved by the Father.
Thursday, February 10, 2011
Be still
My Creator, I am now willing that you should have all of me, good and bad. I pray that you now remove from me every single defect of character which stands in the way of my usefulness to you and my fellows. Grant me the strength, as I go out from here, to do your bidding. Amen.Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 76
Wow! This has been one crazy week. Let me start off by thanking all of you for the prayers and support. The Lord has truly blessed me way beyond what I deserve. Last Thursday, I went to the oncologist and she told me at that momet I had no cancer cells. I still have to finish my last three rounds of chemotherapy. Round four begins this upcoing Monday. The rejoicing we did and are still doing! Friday morning my entire family woke up with a stomach virus. Since my immune system is compromised I started to run a fever that needed immediate medical attention. Shannon took me to the doctor. Of course, they wanted to admitt me but I didn't want to stay. I have been accused of being hard headed. I received some fluids and I went home. I had just gotten into bed and the nurse practioner called. She said to get to the hospital immediately. My CO2 levels dropped and my white blood cell count dropped. I was immediately admitted. My dear friend had to take me because my entire family was too sick to take me. The Lord has blessed me with great friends. Thank you Lori!! My family couldn't visit so I had a lot of time to be still. "Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among nations, I will be exalted in the earth!" Psalm 46:10 I was able to do a lot of praying. There were reasons for me to be there. I was able to have down time just to be with God. I was able to witness to a particular person who worked there Sunday morning! Yes, He uses you when you are sick! I am still amazed that it happened just at that moment. That was a gift to me from Him. He let me know He wasn't finished with me yet. No matter the situation you are in, you are still His and your work on earth is not done. One of my lessons this past week was to be still and know that God is God. He is our everything!
One of the reasons for this blog is to let others know that no matter what you have been through the Lord is there guiding you even when you can't see it.
My father's parents were just like many other parents. They had their problems. It was during the depression. They were from Davenport Iowa. My grandfather had tuberculosis and was an alcoholic. My grandmother was trying to raise two children. My great-grandparents were 1st generation Americans from Hamburg Germany. Their names were Klaus and Emma Ehlers. My grandparents were Herman and Dorothy Ehlers. My grandparents seperated when my father and aunt were young. My grandfather passed away soon after. My grandmother raised two children with the help of my grandfather's sister. Aunt Helen passed away this past year after turning 100.
Aunt Helen was an amazing woman and my Daddy loved her so much. He spent a lot of time with her and her family. As a matter of fact, his cousin Janice was like a sister to him. I still keep in touch with her. She and Daddy were the same age. My grandmother had to work and in the 40's there wasn't babysitters or daycares. So my Dad and Aunt Pat were left alone so she could work. The Mississippi River runs right next to Davenport. My Daddy being the boy he was decided he was going to swim across the to the other side. Somehow my grandmother found out. She was at a loss. The only thing she could do to keep both safe was to put them in an orphanage. Sounds drastic I know. It broke my heart when I first heard it. They were there at least through one Christmas. The only reason I know this is because Daddy would talk about getting socks for Christmas. Only the necessaties! You could tell it hurt him emotionally. My grandmother remarried and my Daddy and his sister went to live in their new home. Things were different then. Boys would stay out of school to help on the farm. I've seen his old report cards and he was out alot during harvest time. Even though he missed a lot of school, he was one of the most intelligent men I knew.
He grew up and decided to join the Army. His first duty station was in Germany. He loved it! He also fell in love. The lady was pregnant. About that time, his stepfather was dying and they sent for him to go home. He told the lady that he would be back. After my stepfather passed away, my Daddy went back to Germany. He went to marry this lady and raise his child. When he got there he found out she had already married and the man she married was raising the baby girl as his own. Rather than confuse his child, he left things as they were. At that time, fathers didn't have the rights they do now. So, yes I have a sister and I don't know her. If she ever showed up, I would welcome her. I would tell her how wonderful Daddy was. I would tell her how much he really wanted her in his life.
Just as my Daddy wanted this daughter in his life, the Father wants us in his life. As cliche' as it has become, relationship is the key with the Father. You have to be still and know God is God. He has a bigger plan than even we understand. When I found out about this sister that is out there, I always prayed she would show up and meet Daddy. That wasn't in God's plan. I still pray for her. I pray that the father she had growing up was as good to her as our father was to me. I pray that she knows the heavenly Father.
It was heart wrenching to know that my Daddy went through that. I can't even imagine. As this story unfolds you will see the Father's hand in all of this. What I have learned of my parents' history is perserverance is the key. Even when things were the toughest, they continued on with life. They taught me don't quit, it's not an option.
Jame 1:2-4 Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.
Love all of you
Kim
Wow! This has been one crazy week. Let me start off by thanking all of you for the prayers and support. The Lord has truly blessed me way beyond what I deserve. Last Thursday, I went to the oncologist and she told me at that momet I had no cancer cells. I still have to finish my last three rounds of chemotherapy. Round four begins this upcoing Monday. The rejoicing we did and are still doing! Friday morning my entire family woke up with a stomach virus. Since my immune system is compromised I started to run a fever that needed immediate medical attention. Shannon took me to the doctor. Of course, they wanted to admitt me but I didn't want to stay. I have been accused of being hard headed. I received some fluids and I went home. I had just gotten into bed and the nurse practioner called. She said to get to the hospital immediately. My CO2 levels dropped and my white blood cell count dropped. I was immediately admitted. My dear friend had to take me because my entire family was too sick to take me. The Lord has blessed me with great friends. Thank you Lori!! My family couldn't visit so I had a lot of time to be still. "Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among nations, I will be exalted in the earth!" Psalm 46:10 I was able to do a lot of praying. There were reasons for me to be there. I was able to have down time just to be with God. I was able to witness to a particular person who worked there Sunday morning! Yes, He uses you when you are sick! I am still amazed that it happened just at that moment. That was a gift to me from Him. He let me know He wasn't finished with me yet. No matter the situation you are in, you are still His and your work on earth is not done. One of my lessons this past week was to be still and know that God is God. He is our everything!
One of the reasons for this blog is to let others know that no matter what you have been through the Lord is there guiding you even when you can't see it.
My father's parents were just like many other parents. They had their problems. It was during the depression. They were from Davenport Iowa. My grandfather had tuberculosis and was an alcoholic. My grandmother was trying to raise two children. My great-grandparents were 1st generation Americans from Hamburg Germany. Their names were Klaus and Emma Ehlers. My grandparents were Herman and Dorothy Ehlers. My grandparents seperated when my father and aunt were young. My grandfather passed away soon after. My grandmother raised two children with the help of my grandfather's sister. Aunt Helen passed away this past year after turning 100.
Aunt Helen was an amazing woman and my Daddy loved her so much. He spent a lot of time with her and her family. As a matter of fact, his cousin Janice was like a sister to him. I still keep in touch with her. She and Daddy were the same age. My grandmother had to work and in the 40's there wasn't babysitters or daycares. So my Dad and Aunt Pat were left alone so she could work. The Mississippi River runs right next to Davenport. My Daddy being the boy he was decided he was going to swim across the to the other side. Somehow my grandmother found out. She was at a loss. The only thing she could do to keep both safe was to put them in an orphanage. Sounds drastic I know. It broke my heart when I first heard it. They were there at least through one Christmas. The only reason I know this is because Daddy would talk about getting socks for Christmas. Only the necessaties! You could tell it hurt him emotionally. My grandmother remarried and my Daddy and his sister went to live in their new home. Things were different then. Boys would stay out of school to help on the farm. I've seen his old report cards and he was out alot during harvest time. Even though he missed a lot of school, he was one of the most intelligent men I knew.
He grew up and decided to join the Army. His first duty station was in Germany. He loved it! He also fell in love. The lady was pregnant. About that time, his stepfather was dying and they sent for him to go home. He told the lady that he would be back. After my stepfather passed away, my Daddy went back to Germany. He went to marry this lady and raise his child. When he got there he found out she had already married and the man she married was raising the baby girl as his own. Rather than confuse his child, he left things as they were. At that time, fathers didn't have the rights they do now. So, yes I have a sister and I don't know her. If she ever showed up, I would welcome her. I would tell her how wonderful Daddy was. I would tell her how much he really wanted her in his life.
Just as my Daddy wanted this daughter in his life, the Father wants us in his life. As cliche' as it has become, relationship is the key with the Father. You have to be still and know God is God. He has a bigger plan than even we understand. When I found out about this sister that is out there, I always prayed she would show up and meet Daddy. That wasn't in God's plan. I still pray for her. I pray that the father she had growing up was as good to her as our father was to me. I pray that she knows the heavenly Father.
It was heart wrenching to know that my Daddy went through that. I can't even imagine. As this story unfolds you will see the Father's hand in all of this. What I have learned of my parents' history is perserverance is the key. Even when things were the toughest, they continued on with life. They taught me don't quit, it's not an option.
Jame 1:2-4 Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.
Love all of you
Kim
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
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