Wednesday, February 23, 2011

No accidents

"You are not an accident. Your birth was no mistake or mishap, and youtr life is no fluke of nature. Yur parents many not have planned you but God did. He was not at all surprised by your birth. In fact, he expected it. Long before you were conceived by your parents, you were conceived in the mind of God. He thought of you first. It is not fate nor chance, nor luck, nor conicidence that you are breathing athis very moment. You are alive because God wanted to create you!" This little excerpt comes from The Purpose Driven Life chapter 2, by Rick Warren

This excerpt hit me like a ton of bricks when I did the Bible study several years ago. As this story progresses you will understand. At the time, I had come to terms with a lot but really couldn't get passed some things. Did I have a poor self esteem? Oh yes! Our Lord  shows His Sovereignty everyday. I stand in awe of it. He has made each of us for a purpose and He knows all. He knows the decisions we will make good, bad or indifferent.

 Romans 8:28 "And we know that all thngs work together for god to those who love God to those who are the called according to His purpose."

So as I write this, I wonder why now? Who is it benefiting? Who will be hurt in this? I have to be very careful while writing this because this involves more than me. I have a family that knows this "stuff."  I know that I could sin and turn this into something ugly. This story could be looked at two ways. One that I want revenge. I can assure you that is not it. This is really personal and something I only talk to others in small groups. The other is that I am allowing others to see me. I made a promise to be transparent when I accepted the Lord. I don't want others to see me as this perfect little christian lady that has nothing wrong with her. I am a sinner and so far from perfect. I have learned forgiveness and better than that I have been forgiven. I really don't believe this story is ugly . I believe this is a love story from God. He made a pathway for those of us involved and to be quite honest we have been blessed because of it.

I will be having round 5 on March 7 of my chemotherapy. After all is said and done, we are looking for long term remission. I will go every 3 months for 2 years and every 6 months 3 years after that. When that is completed,I will go once a year. Whatever the Lord has planned I am ok with. I know his plan is perfect and His timing is perfect. He prepared me long ago for this road and He gives me only what I can handle!

Ecclesiastes 3:11-14 11He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end. 12I know that there is nothing better for men than to be happy and do good while they live. 13That everyone may eat and drink, and find satisfaction in all his toil—this is the gift of God. 14I know that everything God does will endure forever; nothing can be added to it and nothing taken from it.

While in Germany and at the loss of a child, my Daddy went on with life. He was able to travel and live life as normal as possible. He was transfered to Colorado. There are so many stories he would tell. The only one he didn't talk about was his daughter. I have a picture of her. My Grandma gave it to me before she passed away. She told me how hurt my Daddy was by it. As I said before, I can't even imagine. It is like the our heavenly Father wants us to seek Him out and really He isn't that far. Just call His name.

My mother was in Seoul or right outside Seoul raising a son on her own. She did what she had to do to make sure the two of them were provided for. I am proud of my mother for caring for her son and making sure he was provided for.  She had been thru a lot and she was alone. She turned down being a concubine...I can just see her face! She didn't put her child up for adoption. They never went hungry and they were not homeless.

In 1963, my father was stationed in Seoul. He met this lady with a son. They went out several times. Now I must tell this funny story. My mother did not bring men in and out of my brother's life. So when my mother and father started dating she wouldn't let my brother meet my Daddy. Now, Daddy being the kind man he was, would bring candy to the village and give it to all the other children. He respected my mother's wishes. Well, that ticked my mother off. That was one of their 1st huge arguments. My father brought my gifts to my brother after that argument. I know some of you men are thinking Daddy didn't have a chance. He didn't! He fell in love with my brother. My brother would have been the same age as my sister. Ironic huh???

My father went back to the states in 1964. Love affair had ended. Nope!! Guess who was to be born in March. Me!! My mother wrote my father. She told him she was pregnant. He was stationed at Fort Benning Ga. He told her not to do anything. He was coming back. I believed he loved my mother but I also know he wasn't losing another child. I don't know all the ins and outs of marrying a Korean national but there was some red tape involved. It didn't matter to him. He was going to marry my mother and bring his family to the U.S.  On February 12, 1965, my parents were married. Daddy went TDY to Seoul just for that reason and in hopes to be there when I was born. He got married but had to go back March 9th. I was born March 11, 1965 in the US Army Hospital. My mother rode 45 minutes on a bus to make sure I was born in the US Hospital. My Daddy was notified by the Red Cross that he had a daughter. I tear up thinking about what he was thinking. Even though Daddy is gone now, I will always be a Daddy's girl. He showed me from the beginning that I was wanted and I would not be taken from the fold. Just as the Father loves us and wants us we are not an accident! We are wanted and loved by the Father.

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