Thursday, August 4, 2011

Hurting and hanging on!

Romans 5:3-5:3 And not only this, but we also exult in our tribulations, knowing that tribulation brings about perseverance; 4 and perseverance, proven character; and proven character, hope; 5 and hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out within our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to us.

So the month of July proved to be an interesting month. Just when I thought I had it all together(remember I thought), God showed me that I needed to be closer to Him. He knows when we tend to stray and we need reminding of His love for us. None of it seems fair but the Lord never promised fair. He called home a dear friend of mine. Ok, that was hard. The hardest part is watching her family deal with it. None of us want to see our loved ones hurting. I kept thinking, ok God I can do this. I can as long as He leads me. I can give that part to Him!

Another best friend(have you ever noticed that women have many best friends), had a scare. I praise the Lord for her results. I believe He is teaching all of us to give up total control and lean on Him. He is the Truth, the Way, and the Light!  Our joke is m&m's cure it all. Well, Karen I hope you are happy because I have been eating m&m's! A marriage ended for a best friend of mine. I continually pray for her. There is a group called the DORK's. Ladies that I went to high school with that are the best prayer warriors you could ask for. Love you all!

Life goes on. It doesn't stop. The world keeps turning even when you want it to stop. There are days it is like a rollercoaster or a tilt-a-whirl. I must tell you I am not one that likes those rides. So, life can be like that. Does that mean we stop? No!! We keep going. It doesn't matter if it is one of those crazy rides or if you are safely on the ground He is still there. There is still hope!!

Since having this horrible disease, other issues of my health have wreaked havoc on my body. I don't have a thyroid anymore, I've got to have my TSH levels checked. My hormones are out of whack, I've got see another Dr for that. Oh joy!! Rather than go to a support group, I am going to a counselor because I suffer from depression. So I have had these really dark days these past couple of weeks. Especially when there is no sleep involved. I end up solving all the world problems between 2:00 and 6:00am.

I have debated writing this because as much as some of you love me, I have found out you have tried to protect me. I am ok. Don't protect me, the Lord has that under control. If all I can do is pray for you, please let me do it. Don't be a blessing stealer. It is a blessing to me to be able to do that. Love all of you!!

I have a great family. I have some of the best friends in the world. The Lord has shown me I am not alone in this. As I said earlier, I tend to lean on what I can do. Wrong answer Kim! I need to lean on Him at all times. I sometimes feel I am a burden to all involved. Before being a burden, I would bow out.  I know I am not the only one who feels this way. That my dear friends is the only reason I share this, I don't want pity. I want to show whoever reads this that they are not the only ones who are hurting.

The Lord has shown me in all of this that we are all hurting or will be hurting in our life. With Him, there is hope. But you have to believe in Him first. I don't know how people go thru life without believing in Him. What is there to hope for? What is there to believe in? Maybe I do look thru rose colored glasses at times and see the glass half full rather than half empty. So, to hope is to believe in Him. What is there to hope for if you don't believe? Yes, I hurt but I am learning to hang on for dear life.

People say, Kim, you've been thru the hardest part. No, chemotherapy was the easiest part. Chemotherapy was like a bubble. I was safe. Now, trying to find my new normal is the hardest part. Life has changed and my outlook on life has changed. I lean closer to Him and pray often for discernment. I muddle thru some days. Most days I am victorious because of Him. God has been so good to me. He has shown me so much that I have no doubt He is right here with me. So, I will praise Him in my storm. I know that He is my shelter. Above all, this is not about me, it is about those that can see Him thru me. Why He thinks He can use me is beyond me. I made the commitment to Him and I fail terribly. Each day is a new one. I will continue to try to be want He wants from me. As Shannon preached one Sunday, I have tied an end to that rope and am hanging on.

Much love to all of you! May you find hope in today!!

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