Wednesday, January 26, 2011


Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being "in love" which any of us can convince ourselves we are.

Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. Find roots that grew towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossom have fallen from your branches you will find that you were one tree and not two
After being married for 26 years, I have found that I am still dumbfounded by love. Preparing this blog, has lead me down different paths. As all you know, I have been sick. My WBC has been down and so this has been in my head and little sheets of paper. I am halfway through treatment, however, it is taking a toll on my body. Please continue to pray for my family.  This blog is coming out later than I expected. Many things have happened and I have wanted to put so much in here.
 Love is a word that has been used loosely. I have learned that when I tell you I love you, I love completely. You can ask my family. I am one who loves totally. That much the Lord has taught me. So much, that it is a fault at times.  I was looking at pictures of one of Karianne's best friend. She recently got married and has taught me much. As I was looking at her pictures, I notice the word Beloved tattooed on her shoulder. I have learned that my children, to include those that are just like my own, have taught me a lot.
The word beloved can be used as an adjective~greatly loved:dear to the heart or a noun~a person who is greatly love. This comes from It is mentioned in the Bible 149 times.  My daughter, Karianne, reminded me she is not mine. I love her and my family dearly. As she reminded me, I do not love her as greatly as our Lord does. I love Shannon and I know he loves me but not as great as the Lord. The Lords love is so great and so hard for me to fathom. I get a glimpse at times. I remember being told to guard my heart but I have a hard time guarding when I love so deeply.
My parents loved me. I know this.  At times, they had a strange way of showing it. The story begins. I will start this before even my parents were born. My grandparents, the only one I knew was my paternal grandmother, Dorothy. The rest are stories handed down.
My mother, who was Korean, was born in a time of turmoil. Unbeknownst to her, the Japanese that had taken over. My mother was shielded from a lot. She was brought up in an affluent family. Her father was a fisherman. Her mother coddled her. She had all she ever wanted. She had an arranged marriage before she even knew. She was given jewels and a private tutor. The problem was that her father was an alcoholic. The dream for her was to go to a Japanese University. Her grandfather spent much time with her. I envy that time. I imagine they had many interesting times. They walked and talked. He spent much time with her. Her family molded her. At this point the were not christians. Does that mean that the Lord wasn't there? Oh, He was there! He has plans but they would come. Her father passed away. My grandmother was left to raise her in a time that was not advatageous for a woman. The women in my family I have learned are very strong willed. As time passes on, my grandmother was stabbed with a bayonet trying to protect her only child, my mother. My mother was hidden in the loft of the barn to keep from being raped. Later, my grandmother would pass away. My mother was 13. The Japanese were then run out and the Chinese were preparing to invade Korea for the Korean War. I don't know what you have read but many were killed and displaced. My mother sewed the jewels she had in the hem of her dress  and put on a boat with a housegirl. Her mother had passed away trying to save her life. She remembered the bullets whirring past her head. I cannot even imagin. Litttle did she know, God had a plan and she was an important part of the puzzle. The only thing she knew was she left her family home and her mother who had passed away. She moved in with an Aunt. She always felt like she was a burden. She became the one to take care of the household chores while the cousins could play and continue with their studies. All of her dreams were gone! She met a man at 18. He promised to take care of her as his concubine. She was pregnant with my best friend, my brother. Later he and I would be closer and things would change drastically. Needless to say, my mother brought "shame" to the family and was kept in the back room to keep my uncle from having to be confronted with this "travesity". On Sept.5, 1954, my brother Pete was born. My aunt thought she had it figured it out, adoption. My mother loving this baby had the housegirl hide him and she left in the night. She had her baby and nowhere to go. She only knew she wouldn't be seperated from him. This type of love a mother has for a child  could not even come close to the love the Lord has for us. She wanted a relationship with her son, just as the Lord wants that relationship with us. He will protect us, just as my mother protected my brother.  My mother knew he would grow and wanted him to have a chance at life. My mother and grandmother were survivors and loved their children. That I much I am sure of while writing this.
The Lord wants us to grow and nurtures our growth to live a life that will glorify Him. So, as this story goes on please take note that the Lord was in it all along. For a long time, I held this in. I have learned that to help others, I need to share. Some of it will sound crazy. Believe me I understand. If one person is touched and doesn't feel alone, I have done what the Lord has led me to do. The writing above touched me. I never looked at love that way. I know that "in love" feeling is temporary. It is nice to know that Shannon and I turning into one tree.

Ephesians 1:4-6 Just as He chose us in Him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and without blame before Him in love, having predestined us to adoption as sons by Jesus Christ to Himself, according to the good pleasure of His will, to the praise of the glory of His grace, by which He made us accepted in the Beloved.

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